knowsthetruth I didn't ask for this, but here I am

[startfromnothing]

This place has too much space for him to be really comfortable. Too much money, too many clean angles, too much white. What else should he expect from someone that had grown up so well to fit into such a scenario? Siwoon wasn't the poor little lost lamb he'd been when they were kids. He had means now, and that meant he could have a setup like this.

And offer it to someone that he'd convinced in basically off the street.

Nevermind that their relationship is in something of an odd limbo. There is interest. It might even be completely mutual. But their circumstances aren't exactly normal, and Taemin still hasn't completely come to terms with the dramatic turn his life has taken; from a roof overhead that he didn't have to pay for to the ability to repay everything that he owed on his own terms, to finally having the company of someone that seemingly cared about his existence. That hadn't happened since the night his mother had run off without a word.

He's standing in the middle of the room he'd been given with his bag crammed full of just about everything he owned, spacing out as he considers all of it. His hand is gripped down tight around the strap of it, head up as he listens to the white noise of the apartment. He can barely here the city below from up here with the windows shut. It's surreal, for certain.

This was your choice, Yoon Taemin. You agreed to this. Whatever happens next,
you are responsible for that too.

Comments

[knowsthetruth]

The apartment shows a lot about the way Siwoon's life has become. It's a bit of a blank slate, as if the place could belong to anyone or no one at all, a furnished apartment waiting to be rented out to someone. There's no real personalization — no pictures, no trinkets. It's all a bit sterile, like he's not intending to remain in the apartment for long or he has nothing worth being hung on the walls or placed out for viewing.

And that's true, though it's entirely possible that could change with the reintroduction of Taemin into his life and the addition of him to his home. He might really grow to consider it a home now rather than just a place to stay.

They'll need to work through tension first and he knows he still has to prove that he's not leaving again, that he intends to remain in Taemin's life for as long as he's allowed. But that's something he knows he can eventually manage. They have time, especially now that they're living together.

Living together also means he can do things like simply knocking and stepping into Taemin's room, which is exactly what he does after he's been in it for some time.

"You're not reconsidering, are you?" The way he's still holding his bag is hard to miss. "If the room isn't any good, you're welcome to share mine."

[startfromnothing]

The problem is that he's not reconsidering, and he could say as much completely honestly. But he is way out of his element. He was mostly just staring into space as he rolled everything over in his head, stilling as he was consumed in his own little mental world. At least, until Siwoon spoke up.

"The room's good, don't worry about it." He finally shrugged his bag off to let it rest on the floor before moving around to the bare bed that he'd only accept the other's linens for until he'd bought some of his own. He looked down at the footboard, hand on the nearest post. "How long'd it take you to even get used to living with all the shiny new shit?It doesn't feel like I belong here in the middle of all the empty space. Like I'm gonna break like ten rules just by sitting here."

[knowsthetruth]

The reassurance helped a bit, though Siwoon's offer was open regardless of how Taemin felt about his room. That was something he kept to himself, knowing it was better saved for later on anyway. They had other things to focus on first, after all.

"I don't know if I'd say I'm used to it," he replied with a shrug and a glance around the room. It'd been unused since he'd moved in, furnished as a second bedroom despite his lack of guests. Maybe if the space had more traffic, it would've seemed a bit more welcoming. It made him wonder if having Taemin in it was going to change that or if it was just going to be awkward.

His attention returned to his new roommate as he let out a quiet chuckle. "There are no rules here, so do whatever you want. If you want to change the room, change it to suit you. It's yours now, so make it comfortable for yourself."

[startfromnothing]

Taemin nods slowly, scanning around the room again. There isn't much he really wants to do to outright change it, but it could use some familiar touches. Something to make it more his own. He's not entirely certain that this really is an indefinite solution, but while he's here, he'd make the best of it.

He turns back to Siwoon and reaches to lay a hand on the other's shoulder, leaning enough to nudge gently against his forehead. "Thank you, Min Woojin." It's spoken softly, seriously, kept low so that nobody would hear but the two of them. He is the only one that would use that name, and only when they were alone. It was the only thing that felt right.

[knowsthetruth]

There's no telling how long this will last, but then again, Siwoon's spent a lot of time thinking the same thing about the changes in his own life, despite it being years since they originally happened. So, in a way, he's already braced for the possibility that Taemin won't stay with him, though he can't say he'd handle it well.

And while it's something that will lurk at the back of his thoughts, it's not worth dwelling on while Taemin is right in front of him. Especially not when he's so close and hearing that name, the one only Taemin calls him, brings a genuine smile to his face. "No, thank you, Yoon Taemin." For a lot of things.

He nudges his forehead in return then pulls his head back just slightly. "You don't have to run off to work right away, do you?"

[startfromnothing]

He can't even really say that his leaving would be something he'd expect Siwoon to handle well. They've got enough personal trauma between them to know better.

"I'm here for the morning but I have to go in this afternoon. Until then...I don't know. I think I thought it'd take more time for me to move everything over here." It's weird to consider just how small his life really is. Now that he has a second to breathe, it's all hitting him at once. He could barely fill this room with the solid aspects of his entire life, a decade's worth of blood, sweat and tears to get to the point that maybe, maybe he would be alright and be able to start thinking about pursuing his education. He'd have to start from scratch, but he's used to that at least.

It shows in his face, the general sort of worry, but before he can dwell long he opts to hand his bag over to Siwoon. "What about you? I know you're still supposed to be in school."

[knowsthetruth]

That look of worry holds Siwoon's attention, but he doesn't immediately ask about it. Taemin shoulders a lot, he knows that. He's done it since they were children, shouldering the responsibility of watching out for him back then and shouldering the need to clear debts now. As much as Siwoon wants to extend the offer of more help, he knows it'll be pushed away. So he saves it for the time being, knowing he'll eventually find ways to help Taemin that he won't turn down so easily.

He accepts his bag, nodding slightly at the mention of school. "I told them I wasn't coming in today. I wasn't sure how long you would take and I can afford missing classes for a day."

Siwoon steps away from Taemin to deposit his bag on his bed, leaving it for him to unpack later. And with that down, he returns to him, gently taking his wrist to give him a pull toward the door.

"Let's make breakfast."

[startfromnothing]

He wonders vaguely when the topic of his own education, or lack thereof, will come up. He hopes it won't be soon; his elementary-level education has at least served him in getting the sort of entry-level positions that don't require more than basic maths and reading skills. Right now, it doesn't matter that he wants more. It's a thought for when he has more time to entertain such ideas.

The thought is shaken from his mind as Siwoon's hand wraps around his wrist. At first he resists the pull reflexively, then simply follows along after.

"Ok...what do you wanna make?"

[knowsthetruth]

It's bound to come up eventually since Siwoon has some idea of how Taemin's spent their time apart. He knows he works too much to attend school on top of that, but he doesn't know if Taemin is interested in returning to it at some point. It's a question he'll save for once he's not so involved in working, maybe once he's finished with his debts. Because, while he knows he won't be allowed to help pay for anything, he'll happily offer to help Taemin catch up on everything he's had to miss.

The resistance to his pull draws Siwoon's attention back to him for a second and he loosens his hold a little more, knowing Taemin is used to being the one pulling him along.

"Anything. What are you best at?"

[startfromnothing]

Not only is he more used to being the one pulling, any time he had been grabbed in the past, it had never been with good intention. It triggered an instinct to fight back without hesitation. The only reason he doesn't outright jerk away entirely is because it's Siwoon.

Their roles were starting to look reversed from where he was standing just then. An uncomfortable thought, really.

The question is a good distraction though.

"Uh. Simple stuff mostly. Instant food. Eggs, rice. I can make omelets if you like that kind of thing."

[knowsthetruth]

As soon as they make it near the kitchen, he lets go of Taemin's hand, knowing it's bothering him and wanting to avoid making him uncomfortable. There's no need to hold on to him when they're preparing to cook anyway. Too much touching will just get in the way of that, no matter how much Siwoon would like to keep his hands on Taemin.

"I'll take an omelet," is his almost immediate response. There's novelty in having Taemin cook for him and he intends to take advantage of it at least this once.

Siwoon moves to get things out of the fridge and cabinets, showing Taemin where to find things as he goes. "Don't be afraid to look around. You live here now."

[startfromnothing]

Maybe, in time, Taemin would be comfortable with Siwoon hanging onto him like he would when they were little. But this isn't a good time for it, and Taemin holds no embarrassment over shooing the other away as he steps into the kitchen.

"Go sit down. Don't hover, ok?" He points a spatula at Siwoon as he says it, before setting about making breakfast He moves fast but methodically, without a lot of finesse. Clearly, he's mastered making breakfast fast for when he has to dash out the door for work. This isn't a mad dash at least, just a quickly-prepared breakfast to hold them until they settle back into routine.

He hands over slices of omelet as soon as they're finished, arranged on a plate for easy picking. He'd gone with things out of Siwoon's refrigerator for filling, so he'd assume that everything in them was fine with him. So he's got slightly overstuffed omelette for breakfast, before either of them have to go and do much of anything.

"Coffee?" He's already starting a pot as he asks.

[knowsthetruth]

Siwoon doesn't question or attempt to argue the directions he's given. The space is easily big enough for the two of them, but he wants to see Taemin work. It's a means of learning more about him, little things that he's bound to gain with more time together. So he moves around the counter and takes a seat on a stool on the opposite side, keeping himself out of the way without removing himself so far that he can't see.

He's even quiet through the action, watching Taemin as if he's trying to learn everything himself. Siwoon doesn't speak up until he's handed a plate, a smile settling on his face as he moves to grab a fork.

"Mm, coffee would be good. Do you want anything else?" He's still up, holding the fork in hand as he motions toward a bowl of fruit near the refrigerator. "There are only bananas and apples in there now, but if you tell me what you prefer, I'll get that next time."

[startfromnothing]

He knows that Siwoon is watching him, and it makes him feel a little like he's under a microscope. But he's pretty sure it's not with any ill intentions at least. Whatever else Siwoon might be now, he knows he can at least trust the guy not to pull something awful without good reason.

At least talking lightens the atmosphere a bit, and he pours Siwoon a cup of coffee black,figuring that if he wanted anything in it, he could better know what he wanted than Taemin would.

"I'm good with this," he replies at the offer of fruit, picking up a piece of his eggs to pop into his mouth without waiting. He's used to eating just enough to get by, without the need for any sort of politeness when he wasn't out in public. Hopefully he'd be forgiven for the lack of decorum.

[knowsthetruth]

There's no chance Siwoon would pull anything awful. Not with Taemin. And considering he has no idea how long it might take to gain proper trust, he wouldn't even try anything remotely questionable. Such as moving to Taemin's side for the sake of kissing him. It's definitely something that crosses his mind while watching him cook, but Siwoon knows it's best left in his thoughts.

The lack of politeness doesn't bother him, but he does let a chuckle slip as he moves back to get a bite of eggs as well.

"You can sit down and take some time to eat, you know. Or are you running out of here the moment you're done?"

[startfromnothing]

Taemin isn't really a patient person. He rushes in, headstrong and acting before thinking, whatever the outcome might be.It's just in his nature, and his life up to now has reinforced that about him. So when Siwoon asks if he really has to rush out as soon as he's eaten, he opens his mouth to answer, then actually pauses. Does he have anything to do right this second?

No. Right now, his time is free. He can breathe.

"Nah...just too used to being in motion," he murmurs, slowing down a little and taking a smaller bite of his share of breakfast.

As he takes a seat beside Siwoon to actually take his time eating, he glances over, catching the look on the other's face. "What's funny?"

[knowsthetruth]

Taemin sits down and Siwoon almost wants to encourage him to relax, but he's not sure that's something that'll happen just yet. Not before he's adjusted to being in a new place. And maybe not even before he's finished paying off his debts. He seems to be wound tightly when it comes to money and Siwoon can only hope that'll abate once he's free from owing anyone anything.

He takes another bite, shrugging his shoulders as he looks over at Taemin.

"You're still the same, that's all. I think it's nice to see you haven't changed."

[startfromnothing]

"I figured out that I could survive doing things that way. And I did. I wouldn't say I've been thriving but I did everything on my own terms, everyone else be damned."

Taemin closes his eyes and sits back, head hanging back over the floor as his chair tips back. "When I get everything done I need to... Maybe I'll keep going to the gym. I'm good at the things they taught me. If they can keep paying me..." He stops when he catches himself musing aloud, shaking his head and letting the chair clatter back to the floor. He needs a shower before he heads out. "I'll be back tonight."

[knowsthetruth]

He already knows there's no chance Taemin will allow him to help, even just in taking care of him once he's finished paying things off. As much as he wants to, Siwoon knows he needs to take a step back and allow him that continued freedom of handling things on his own, even when it's not entirely necessary. Even when he has someone he can lean on now.

That's something he still has to earn back. So when Taemin stands, Siwoon remains seated, silently watching him as he finishes off his share of eggs. It keeps him from immediately reaching out, from reminding Taemin to take a breath. And when he finally does speak, it's with a nod.

"Alright. I'll see you when you get back."